Nonbinary and Gender-Neutral Ketubah Text Options

Your ketubah should reflect who you actually are. For nonbinary, genderqueer, gender-fluid, and other gender-expansive individuals, finding a marriage document with language that fits can feel like a real challenge, especially when so much of Jewish wedding tradition was built around "bride" and "groom," "husband" and "wife." The good news: beautiful, affirming options exist, and finding the right one is easier than you might think.

This guide is for anyone looking for a gender-neutral ketubah, whether you are nonbinary yourself, your partner is, or you simply prefer language that does not lean on gendered roles. We will cover what is available, how to think about modifying existing texts, how to find a supportive officiant, and how to build a signing ceremony that feels like home.

Why Gendered Language Can Be a Barrier

The traditional text is deeply gendered. Written over two thousand years ago, it frames marriage as a transaction between a groom and a bride, with gendered pronouns and relational terms throughout. Even many "modern" texts default to "husband and wife."

For a nonbinary person, signing a document that calls you a "bride" or "groom" can feel anything from mildly uncomfortable to deeply wrong. Your wedding day should celebrate your love and your identity, not require you to swallow language that erases part of who you are. This is a document you will frame and see every day. The words matter.

The beautiful thing is that Jewish tradition has always adapted. Creating space for gender-neutral language is not a break from tradition. It is a continuation of the tradition of making this document meaningful for the people who sign it.

What Gender-Neutral Text Looks Like

Replacing "bride and groom" or "husband and wife": Gender-neutral texts use terms like "partners," "beloveds," or simply the partners' names.

Replacing gendered pronouns: Instead of "he" and "she," these texts use "they/them" pronouns, use names throughout, or restructure sentences to avoid pronouns entirely. The best texts do this so naturally you do not even notice.

Mutual commitments: Rather than one partner pledging to support the other, both partners make the same promises in equal terms.

Inclusive Hebrew: Hebrew is grammatically gendered, so creating truly gender-neutral Hebrew requires thoughtful work. Some approaches use a mix of forms, some use newly coined non-gendered endings, and some put personal commitments in English while using Hebrew only for blessings. Discuss the approach with your officiant to make sure you are comfortable.

Example Language

"We pledge to one another to build a home filled with love, laughter, and honesty. We will support each other through joy and through difficulty, honoring each other's growth and holding space for each other's wholeness. We enter this covenant as equal partners, bound by love and sustained by commitment."

Warm, personal, and deeply meaningful without a single gendered word. It could be signed by any two people who love each other, and that is exactly the point.

Finding the Right Text for You

Pre-Written Gender-Neutral Texts

When browsing the collection, look for texts labeled "egalitarian," "gender-neutral," or "LGBTQ+." The LGBTQ+ collection at Ketubah Tov features designs paired with texts written to be inclusive of all gender identities.

Modifying an Existing Text

Love a particular text but it uses gendered language? Common modifications include swapping "husband and wife" for "partners," adjusting pronouns, and restructuring one-directional commitments into mutual ones. We offer custom text options for couples who want to modify an existing text or create something entirely their own.

Writing Your Own

Some couples write their ketubah text from scratch. If you go this route:

Start with your values. What do you want to promise each other? What kind of home do you want to build?

Draw on tradition if it resonates. Jewish tradition is rich with beautiful language about love and commitment that does not require gendered framing.

Read it aloud. It will be read at your signing ceremony. Make sure it sounds natural when spoken.

Keep it focused. One to three paragraphs is typical. Meaningful but not so long it overwhelms the design.

Design Options: The Art Is for Everyone

The designs themselves are not gendered. A watercolor landscape, an abstract geometric pattern, a lush floral arrangement: none of these belong to any gender. When choosing your ketubah design, focus on what you find beautiful and what fits your home.

Some couples look for designs that feel specifically queer or that subtly signal identity. But there is no obligation. Your ketubah should look like you, whatever that means.

Every design in our collection can be paired with gender-neutral text. Prices start at $99, personalization is always free, and we offer express shipping.

Finding a Supportive Officiant

You also need an officiant who affirms your identity and honors your language choices. The Reform, Reconstructionist, and Renewal movements have been leaders in this area, and many Conservative rabbis are affirming as well. Organizations like Keshet maintain resources for finding inclusive clergy.

When meeting with a potential officiant, ask:

Are you comfortable using they/them pronouns (or your specific pronouns) throughout the ceremony? Including blessings, introductions, and all spoken elements.

Have you officiated at weddings for nonbinary individuals before? Experience matters for fluency with language and ritual adjustments.

Are you open to modifying traditional blessings? Some of the Sheva Brachot use gendered language. A supportive officiant will work with you on inclusive alternatives.

The Signing Ceremony: Making It Yours

The signing is one of the most intimate moments of a Jewish wedding. For nonbinary and gender-expansive couples, it is a chance to set the tone for the entire day:

Choose witnesses intentionally. In non-Orthodox settings, witnesses can be anyone. Consider people who have been champions of your identity.

Read the text aloud. Hearing your gender-neutral text spoken in the presence of people you love can be profoundly affirming.

Add a personal ritual. A meditation, a reading, or a few words before signing. This is your moment.

Invite the people who matter most. The ketubah signing is a small, private gathering by design. Fill it with the people who truly see you. Some couples keep it very intimate (just witnesses and the officiant), while others include a wider circle of close friends and family. There is no single right approach.

The Bigger Picture

The conversation about gender in Jewish life is not new. The Talmud itself recognizes categories beyond the binary, including androgynos (a person with both male and female characteristics) and tumtum (a person whose sex is indeterminate). While these were discussed in a very different legal context, their existence shows that Jewish tradition has long acknowledged that people do not always fit neatly into two categories.

Today, a growing number of Jewish communities, scholars, and spiritual leaders are drawing on these traditional sources to build an expansive understanding of gender within Jewish life. Your decision to have a gender-neutral ketubah is part of this broader movement, rooted in both ancient wisdom and modern understanding. You are not stepping outside the tradition. You are bringing it forward.

Getting Started

Browse designs. Pick art you love from the full collection.

Choose your text. Select a gender-neutral option, modify an existing text, or use your own words.

Provide your details. Names, date, location. We personalize everything and send a proof to review.

Sign and celebrate. Your ketubah arrives printed and ready. Show up, sign, and begin your life together. Prices start at $99 with free personalization and express shipping.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can any ketubah design be used with a gender-neutral text?

Yes. Every design in our collection can be paired with any text option, including gender-neutral texts. The art and text are independent choices. Pick the design you love, and we will pair it with the words that fit your relationship.

Is a gender-neutral ketubah halachically valid?

This depends on your denomination. From a strict Orthodox halachic perspective, the traditional text has specific gendered legal requirements, and a gender-neutral text would generally not meet them. For Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist, Renewal, and secular communities, a gender-neutral version can absolutely be considered valid and meaningful. Discuss this with your officiant.

Can I use they/them pronouns on my ketubah?

Absolutely. When you order, simply let us know your pronouns and we will make sure the text reflects them accurately.

What if my rabbi is not familiar with gender-neutral ketubah texts?

Share your chosen text with your rabbi well before the wedding so they have time to review it and get comfortable with the language. If your rabbi is supportive but simply has not encountered gender-neutral texts before, this can be a productive conversation. If they are not willing to use inclusive language, it may be worth finding an officiant who is. Your wedding day is not the right time for compromise on something this personal.

What if only one partner is nonbinary?

Gender-neutral ketubah texts work beautifully for all couples. Some choose a fully neutral text so both partners are described in the same balanced language. Others prefer a text using each partner's specific pronouns (for example, "she" for one and "they" for the other). Both approaches are valid. Choose what feels best for your relationship.